


Something to Believe In

by anonymousorly



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dirty Talk, Dreams vs. Reality, Hallucinations, Liam-centric, M/M, OT3, OT5, Porn With Plot, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-22 18:52:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousorly/pseuds/anonymousorly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam wonders if this is all real or just a dream...but by the way Niall always smiles at him, he's thinking it's real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
**Hallucination:**  
a sensory experience of something that does not exist outside the mind … usually manifested as visual or auditory images.

  
***

Liam sits on the small padded bench of the bus' kitchenette, across from the dining table where Niall's leaning heavily under Harry's arm against his chest and eyes struggling to stay open while Harry takes a bite of his second frosted s'more Pop-Tart and holds the small remainder in front of Zayn's mouth, who opens in acceptance with arms crossed over his stomach.

Louis observes Liam observing from in front of the small stove where he's boiling water, back against the counter and lips tight as his eyes fix on Liam's every and any movement; nose twitching so he can avoid sniffling and making noise, toes curling when he feels a cramp coming on, eyes sofastandsoinstant noticing Zayn's fingers on Harry's knee and soquicklyinablink looking back down at his book.

Niall yawns, loud and big, and Louis chuckles as he takes a seat beside Liam and pats his thigh, Zayn reaching across Harry and swiping his thumb over Niall's chin affectionately.

"Want some tea, love?" Louis is right in his ear and Liam will never get accustom to his band's closeness, warmth, or touches which, to him, isn't necessarily a bad thing because then it'll always be special and meaningful. "I can blend it with some ice, if you prefer," he offers.

Liam smiles gently at Louis, still in the early stages of waking up that show in his pale-but-coloring cheeks and too-long blinks. "Thanks, mate."

Louis grins wide, pressing his nose to Liam's warming jaw, before letting it fall as his eyes move to the three sitting boys in front of them. Liam follows and swallows hard at the sight.

Zayn was now between Harry and Niall and that ended the innocence of the scene before him. He's slouching a bit with his legs spread, ankles far apart, mouth ravished by a now wide awake Niall and Harry's hand unseen under his basketball shorts, not at the waistband but up one of the leg openings, which is pushed up his smooth tan thigh.

Liam doesn't need to look to know that Louis is watching him rather than the others, stare intent, obvious, and shameless.

Zayn gasps into Niall's mouth and breaks away to catch his breath, dizzy but looking clear and directly at Liam as Niall moves his mouth - perfect and magical lips, Liam doesn't willingly think - to his neck. His head falls back, the short eye contact gone as fast as it started, and he pants into the air, Harry's hidden hand working fast...then slow...then fast again.

Liam contemplates confusion because Niall was _just_ a second away from falling back asleep, Zayn was _just_ eating a Pop-Tart, and Harry had his hand in Niall's hair, not Zayn's shorts. He rejects this idea though, definitely not helped to conclude by Louis' hand on the back of his neck and whispers again to his ear.

"Zayn likes being cockteased." At the quiet yet honest words, Zayn gasps again, more deep and loud, and Niall moans into his neck. Louis licks his lips. "Or extended foreplay, rather."

Harry smiles wide and glances at Liam for a sofastsoshort second before pressing his forehead to Zayn's, murmuring, "You like the softness of the touches, don't you, baby?"

"Right before they get rough and more about desperation than the actual _feeling_ ," Niall adds, tongue sliding up his neck and entering Harry's parted lips.

Louis' fingernails scratching gently send a buzz throughout Liam's entire body underneath his heated skin. "He likes it so slow, so attentive. He likes the heavy breathing, long stares, deep concentration..."

He stops, allows Liam to recognize all that he's said. The three's chests are all heaving but not too fast except maybe Zayn's, inhaling sharp and exhaling low but all in a lengthy time. Harry and Niall kiss in front of Zayn's flushed face, who is wide eyed and watching soclosesoburninghot. Harry kisses more lazily than Niall, priority on Zayn and fingers alternating between stroking his cock slowly and curling inside his ass.

"Hear it?" Louis doesn't need to elaborate - Liam knows, hears - but he does. "He's so wet. All from these small touches.

"He loves this, the teasing and slowness...before the moments when stomachs tense, knees widen apart, knuckles clench, backs arch and hips thrust up, moans shift into-"

"Desperation," Liam resolves, Louis' teeth nipping his ear lobe, and Niall turns toward him to...to give him this...this _smile_ and with Louis scratching, Zayn gasping, and Harry pleasuring, he begins...begins to feel in his heart-

The kettle pierces. Liam blinks once.

Louis' teeth and hand aren't on him, just nose on his cheek for a split second before he's jumping up for the stovetop. Zayn isn't pressed between Harry and Niall's chests, just pointer finger in his mouth to get at a stuck piece of Pop-Tart and still hand resting on Harry's knee. Harry isn't kneeling over Zayn, just holding Niall close to his side. Niall isn't assaulting Zayn's neck, just relaxing comfortably against Harry and trying to keep his eyelids up.

Louis loudly dumps ice cubes into a blender and soon enough, the band is wide awake with crushing ice and strong tea. He hands Liam a cup with a gentle smirk and sits next to him again.

***

Zayn drives the van because they've had it with Louis and his countless close calls ("What _ever_. I never saw any of _you_ snatch the keys." "We had no chance with your snake-bite grab," Niall mumbles). Louis sits next to him, acting as a passenger driver and making Zayn more annoyed than nervous or helped.

   "Get in the left- the _left_ , you bimbo, the _other_ left."  
   "Merge- _merge_ \- you're gonna hafta merge up here."  
   "I should've driven." He refuses to believe his ability is any less than perfection. "Or at least Harry, despite his less than stellar braking."

Zayn wants to smack him and he glances at Louis, eyes narrow and forehead wrinkled, but just as he raises his fisted hand to strike, Louis tilts his head, soft and pink cheeks, wide eyes and good intentions. Zayn lowers his hand and looks back at the road ahead of him, instead letting palm extend and rest on Louis' thigh because...because he can't, not with Louis looking at him that way. Louis smiles softly - not a smirk nor ungenuine - and puts his head on Zayn's shoulder, shutting up about exit numbers and lane switching.

Liam licks his lips, interested and curious at the interaction, from the backseat. Niall sighs quietly next to him and when he turns to acknowledge that sigh, a gesture of "hey, yeah, I know," it's de ja vu.

It's sudden that Harry has his lips attached to Niall's and hand roughly rubbing down on his crotch. It's sudden that Niall is breathing deeply, eyes fallen shut, and legs spreading so Harry's anxious fingers have somewhere to navigate toward.

Once again, Liam _considers_ and _contemplates_ but doesn't. He keeps observing closely at what's happening in front of him and does nothing to prevent or encourage.

Harry's kissing lazy once again and Liam concludes that it's his method - his _way_ , tongue slow and lips loose. Niall takes it, though, and kisses just as gentle in return, Zayn looking from the rearview mirror and Louis from over his shoulder. Harry pushes Niall down across the backseat and his head ends up on Liam's lap. It's his chance to finally do something, from physically shoving Niall off (which the thought makes him sick, he could never) to verbally addressing what is going on because the touch has included him so, therefore, he's involved and more than applicable to do so (which he doesn't).

Harry presses a hand to Niall's cheek and rubs his thumb over the flush skin lightly, fingertips just barely on Liam's leg yet heavy enough for them both to know it's there. His tongue licks over Niall's in a pattern and Liam bends his fingers next to him, resisting them from Niall's scalp and Harry's hair.

Louis is facing the back entirely, chin resting on the headrest of the empty center seat and, once more, eyes catching Liam's every move. Their eyes meet and hold, no longer quick and short, and Niall moans below him.

"There's a kinda romanticism about the backseat of a car, isn't there?" Louis asks no one in particular and it's a remark that Liam would normally find him joking about except this isn't normal and he seems sincere.

Harry's thumb slides under Niall's chin, lifts his head up a little, and breathes fast into his mouth. "There is when Niall's a hot mess like this," he whispers, Niall whimpering and Louis giving a nod as he turns to Zayn, kissing his neck slowly.

Liam flexes his fingers, wanting but unsure, and Harry stares at him, hand in Niall's pants and making him shift around helplessly. Harry bites his bottom lip and squeezes hard, Niall raising his hips and pressing the back of his head more in Liam's lap as he clenches onto the front of Harry's shirt. Liam swallows hard and his buzzing fingers are anxious but remain frozen.

Zayn's knuckles tighten around the steering wheel but he maintains control as Louis loudly undoes his pants and bends his head over, disappearing on the other side of the seat. Liam's back straightens in attempt to see but it's useless, instead getting a view out of the windshield to see that there only a few cars ahead and hoping none would see the young men's mini-orgy when they passed.

"Unlike Zayn, Niall likes reaching desperation." Harry kisses Niall quickly. "Don't ya, baby boy?"

Niall nods fast, head rubbing down on Liam's cock, and closes his eyes tight with a warning whine, pulling on Harry's shirt and moaning long.

Liam runs a hand down his face, inhales slow in a split-second debate of whether to witness Niall come or not. By the time his hand drops back to his side, it doesn't matter.

Harry is no longer giving Niall a handjob but napping against the window. Niall is no longer lying over his legs but upright next to him. Louis' head is no longer hidden and (presumably) on Zayn's cock but on his shoulder. Zayn is no longer tense but relaxed with his pants buttoned up as he drives.

Liam gazes out the window and in the reflection, Niall smiles sweetly from behind him.

***

The hotel room is a two-bedroom suite and it's unspoken that Louis and Harry will share a twin. Zayn sprints to the bathroom as soon as they enter, suitcase abandoned in the middle of the hall and igniting an irritated annoyance from Louis, who shoves it to the side with his foot.

Niall slowly follows Harry into one of the bedrooms because there's no way Zayn can room with them now.

Almost (most likely) by instinct, Liam wakes and opens his eyes to Niall standing in the doorway. He looks like a young child that was shaken up by a nightmare, arms tight around his middle, chin low to his upper chest, droopy eyes glazed, and skin trembling from cold shivers.

Again almost (most likely) by instinct, Liam lifts the comforter as an invite and wraps it protectively and assuredly around the blond as he gets situated curling into Liam.

"Haz was doin' 'is toss 'n turn," Niall explains in a drone, accent more prominent, and Liam holds him a little closer as if promising he won't do the 'toss 'n turn.'

Three of Niall's heartbeats later (1.96 of Liam's), Zayn throws back his blankets and crawls under Liam's, chest to his back and arm extending towards Niall as much as he can. Most likely by instinct, Liam hooks one ankle with Zayn's and curves the other leg over Niall's, who's already asleep.

Zayn kisses the back of Liam's neck weakly and keeps his face there, absently slurring a line that Liam could never comprehend no matter how hard he tried and falling silent when Liam mumbles, "Sleep well, love."

In the morning, Liam wakes up extremely hot and sweaty, knotted hair stuck to his forehead and constricting pajamas moist on his body. He cracks his back between the two sleeping persons and wiggles expertly to freedom, stretching once his feet hit the outdated carpet with arms high in the air, neck craning from side to side, and knees bending in the air.

He looks at the bed and sees that Zayn's hand found its way to hold Niall's wrist that wasn't trapped under the pillow, their arms covering the area where Liam just was. His chest tightens and heart speeds at the precious sight that was his for the night.

He'll show them the photo he took on his phone later.

He goes into the main room where Harry's asleep on the couch in front of a low-volume television that's playing world news and Louis is in the kitchen, wet hair flat and sipping on a glass of milk.

Louis nods at Harry. "Kid's gonna have a long day."

"Slow night?"

Louis hums and licks excess milk drops from his upper lip, grinning at Liam and worry about Harry gone. "You didn't, I saw."

Liam shrugs a shoulder and turns back into the bedroom so he can grab his shower bag and get cleaned up. Only, he freezes.

Zayn and Niall are cuddled together now, legs tangled and hands in hair and splayed on backs. They show no sign of consciousness as they steadily exhale and eyebrows twitch. Liam's internal heaviness is (definitely not) from how the space that was once his being eliminated.

Bathroom bag in hand, he hurries to the bathroom but is caught off guard again. Louis is sitting at the table, no milk or glass in sight and dry hair styled, and has Harry in his lap, arms around his waist as they exchange whispers in one another's cheeks and kisses to jaws. They smile at him as if his invading eyes weren't ruining a special moment.

He feels abandoned, left out, and all the thesaurus' words for "alone." He takes his time in the shower to avoid facing the four and returning to that dreadful feeling. The water pressure starts to hurt and the stream sorely pricks like a storm of teeny needles, so he turns it off with pruned fingers.

After leisurely drying off, washing his face, brushing his teeth, using the toilet, washing his hands, blowdrying his hair on the low setting and without comb, drying all his bottles before packing them away, scanning the room for anything he might've (but didn't) miss, wiping the counter and faucet of water, and scanning again, he secures a towel around his hips and finally steps out.

Louis isn't at the table but in a recliner next to the couch with his wet hair flat, glass refilled, and blank stare shifting from world news to Liam. Harry isn't awake nor whispering in his lap but still lying on the couch with shut eyes. Zayn isn't cuddling Niall but rushes behind Liam and into the bathroom. Niall isn't asleep but with his back against the headboard, sending _that smile_ as Liam redirects his focus.

"Feel better, mate?" Louis quietly questions and Liam nods, replacing his bag to his suitcase. "Ya were a while. Zayn was getting antsy and was gonna knock but he figured you must've really needed it - a long, warm shower and a bit of alone time."

Alone. That word. It was the last thing he needed but wouldn't think about it too much.

***

Back at their apartment building, Liam puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign that he stole from a hotel on his front door's knob. Louis laughs at it as he lets himself in and Liam figures it was worth a shot.

He falls beside Liam on the long couch and yawns with a headshake. Their shoulders and arms are the only parts in contact but Louis’ whole body radiates onto Liam's and he almost can't tell the difference.

Niall comes in next, says he likes the sign, and gets on Liam's other side.

Liam isn't a paranoid but he feels a bit surrounded - suffocated; air dry. Even as Louis wraps an arm around his neck, he doesn't get limp and it's truthfully unusual. He stays calm, doesn't allow himself to tense or give any sign of discomfort, but his efforts go wasted and unnoticed.

"Sup, buttercup?" Louis questions and Niall puts his chin on Liam’s shoulder, also wanting an explanation.

He may not have tensed but what the two noticed was his lack of relaxation.

Liam doesn't answer at first in hopes that the inquiry will be forgotten and lost in space. No such luck, though, and Louis repeats himself with an added poke to the back.

His unplanned reply comes out snappish, "It said 'do not disturb,'" and it's the wrong reply.

Niall’s expression drops soquicksomuch that Liam literally feels sick - nauseous and wanting to vomit - and Louis pulls his arm back, apologizes, and stands with Niall on his tail. The click from the front door is quiet in reality but booming in Liam's ears and echoing in his head.

It's then that the life-changing consideration and resulting realization comes forth: Liam wanted to be alone, only to conclude, after not succeeding, that it was never what he wanted.

He tosses the stolen sign out the window.


	2. Chapter 2

The next night, Zayn decides to resolve all strain and edginess by supplying (not cooking) dinner. Liam arrives first so he doesn't get four pairs of saddened eyes all at the same time; he'll take them one by one.

Zayn hugs him as he explains, "I didn't mean it."

"I know," Zayn affirms softly, hand pressed to the back of Liam's head.

He says it three more times, Harry having been told what he said and Niall’s taking the longest (the image of his fallen face hadn't left Liam's mind) and done last despite being in the same apartment the whole time, refusing to leave Zayn’s locked bedroom until the pizza was delivered.

Mission accomplished, they gather around a table of boxes and slip back into normal, Niall scooting his chair close to Liam's.

They all fall asleep in the living room, a pile of pillows, blankets, and bodies in the middle of the floor and furniture pushed to the wall. The television is paused on a video game and acts as the only source of light for the dark flat.

Liam can easily blame a dream this time.

He is woken up by a hand repeatedly brushing his hip, eyes blurry when he first opens them but very quickly grasping and understanding what's going on.

It's Niall’s hand behind him and he touches the back of it to let him know he's awake. In front of him, Louis is on top of Harry and kissing him roughly, both hands on his cheeks to hold him in place while his tongue pushes soshortsofast. Their noses flare for oxygen and hips move up and down, Harry’s fingers hidden under comforters, Louis' boxers, and darkness.

Niall’s warm, minty mouth is on his ear. "I don't need to tell you how he likes it, do I." It's not a question, not meant to be answered. "Not all the time, though. He oftentimes likes Zayn's approach, believe it or not."

Louis spares a glance to flash a grin at Liam and, from behind Niall, Zayn chuckles, hand teasingly dragging along his bare stomach and touching Liam's sonearsoclose back.

Liam feels Niall sigh with a shiver, which buzzes over his entire back, as Zayn grabs his hard-on, knuckles bumping against Liam’s ass with every stroke. Niall kisses behind Liam's ear and gives his hip a squeeze, Louis mumbles "Fuck it" and shoves his boxers off, Harry lifts his hips and lets Louis push his off, and Zayn bites Niall’s neck and lets his cock go for a moment to give Liam's ass a grab.

Louis is pushing his cock inside Harry and it’s over before Liam can fully adjust to what was there.

When he opens his eyes next, Zayn isn't jacking Niall off from behind but has his body curled around Liam's frontside, Louis isn't about to fuck Harry but spooning Liam with boxers in tact and nose in his hair, Harry isn't pinned under Louis but holding Zayn to his chest with one arm, and Niall isn't whispering behind him but pressing up to Harry's back with desperate fingers just barely reaching Liam over Zayn (which he fixes).

He sees dark blue when he looks out the window and it's not enough encouragement for him to separate himself from this, so he settles back down and hopes he remembers to ask how Niall got to the outside, he shouldn't be on the outside, when they all wake up.

***

When it happens during an interview, he considers being worried.

It's the usual scenario of all five squished on a couch (but, seriously, who’s dumb idea was it to have them do this every single time?). Sitting closest to the interviewer, Louis makes a joke at every question he can, Niall cracks up every time and exchanges a smile with Zayn, Harry tries to answer frankly with a straight face, and Liam waits until no one answers a particular question before speaking up for them from the end of the couch.

Harry leans back, throwing an arm around Liam and ruffling his hair, and yawns as Louis makes up some tale about attempting to ship Niall to the moon but it failed because Ireland didn’t want their best Irishman leaving the planet.

Liam is half listening to the story, half listening to Niall’s uncontrollable giggles, but when Harry shifts and presses his lips to his neck, he is no longer able to listen. In One Direction terms, the gesture is innocent, so Liam plays cool as the interviewer pays him no mind and keeps her eyes on Louis’ storytelling and wild hand movements.

Harry turns his body more until he has a leg over Liam’s hips and his arm has a firmer lock, mouth opening and teeth nipping sotinysosoft. In One Direction terms, the gesture is no longer innocent.

Liam wriggles his arm to go behind Harry’s back and moans quietly when Harry rubs their hips together. Next to them, Zayn slides his fingers over Harry’s ass and Liam’s hand but focuses his eyes on the interviewer, who suggests that the band write a fictional novel with Louis’ boundless creativity and Niall’s eager participation. He digs his nails into Liam’s wrist and smiles charmingly, saying it’s a fantastic idea and that they should deeply consider it.

“I mean, we _do_ have a couple books out now,” Niall plugs and Louis smirks at him, eyes glancing soquicksosly at Harry and Liam.

Harry grabs Liam’s shirt and pushes it up, whispering hotly, “You feel so good like this.”

Liam exhales unevenly as the tip of Harry’s tongue traces over his birthmark and up to his ear, moaning again when teeth bite behind his lobe.

“I can only imagine how good you feel naked and on your back. And imagine I do.” Harry’s tongue licks sopainfullygentle over his neck and makes him gasp. “We all imagine, Li.”

Harry’s nails dig into his stomach and scratch down at the same time Zayn scratches his wrist. He thrusts his hips up so he can feel Harry against him, to know that they’re on the same path and that he’s getting something out of this, too.

Harry shivers under the hands of Liam and Zayn, grinding his hips more persistently and lips grazing the side of Liam’s ear, faint gasps direct and disappearing through to his fuzzy mind. Liam sees over his shoulder that Zayn is against his back and turning his face away from Liam to kiss him.

Liam stares in awe at how fucking beautiful it is; the contrast of sandy and pale tones, desperate and composed demeanors, smooth and sharp facial structures, dark and colorful eyes, shorter and longer necks, narrow and broad physiques, hasty and deliberate movements.

It’s no surprise to Liam that Louis and Niall watch more frequently and often, still bantering out ridiculous responses and hypotheticals.

   “I would quite like to take a dump in a litter box sometime, yeah. Can you imagine how much water the world would be savin’? Or just tossin’ it in a bin like dogs, yeah?”  
   “I wanted to dye my hair black but Uncle Simon told me no. Liam volunteered to bleach his hair temporarily so there would continue to be one blond in the group, but he wasn’t havin’ it. I still am quite disappointed…haven’t talked to him in a few months, actually. Disowned him.”

Zayn releases Harry’s chin and locks his eyes with Liam’s, nails deeper in skin. “May have caught on by now that our sweet Hazza here is a dominant little fuck.” He pulls on Harry’s hair, causing him to gasp and scratch Liam’s stomach. “Though he doesn’t mind taking it either, as long as it’s rough and painful and fucking good.”

Liam feels his boxers get overly moist and arches his back, huffing chest pressing to Harry’s. “Fuck,” he chokes and his ached cock twitches under Harry’s.

He closes his eyes tight, unable to maintain Zayn’s stare any longer, and moans against the side of Harry’s neck.

He opens them and fucking hates himself for not knowing better by now. He should’ve fucking known.

Harry isn’t on his lap with a hand up his shirt but soothingly massages the back of his hair. Zayn isn’t seamlessly and strikingly kissing Harry but staring blankly at Louis answering a question and resting a hand on Niall’s knee. Niall and Louis aren’t making extra efforts to look over but comically engage in continued goofing off, cheeks rosy from so much laughter and numb from so much grinning.

Liam’s pants aren’t wet nor is he hard. He does, however, have a spiraling wind in the middle of his chest and light wave behind his eyes.

Louis looks down the couch and holds out a hand to him. “But it’s only cuz we are like brothers, ya know? Except stepbrothers. That way, I can kiss him and legally marry him. Right, jelly belly?”

Liam didn’t realize how damp and shuddery his fingers were until they collided with Louis’ dry and unwavering ones. Niall squeezes Louis’ elbow that’s in front of him and Liam replies, “Right, peanut butter nutter.”

***

Showering after shows depends strictly on one of three factors; whether they:

   1. need to hustle on the bus and get on the road to the next city, in which they’ll shower on the bus.  
   2. have the following day off and can move unrushed, in which they’ll shower at the venue.  
   3. get to stay at a hotel overnight and not travel overnight, in which they’ll shower in the room.

This night is Factor #1 (ingeniously dubbed “X-Factor” by Louis and Niall’s laugh was enough to cancel out the three eyerolls for him).

They bow, the lights go dark, and the audience shrilly screams. They let go of one another’s hands and run off the stage, snatching towels from the crew as security guides them hastily through the backstage corridors. They keep their heads down, concentrated on the feet in front of them and worn out.

As the normal, Niall is in front so they can all get an eye on him, Zayn behind him because he can see the blond hair even when looking at the ground and also to touch his lower back to ensure he wasn’t deserted, and Harry’s in the middle since he had a tendency of mindlessly lagging and could visibly see the front two to catch up, Louis next so he could tenderly push Harry’s shoulders to indicate he needed to pick up the pace and Liam following last because he feels responsibility and needs a clear view of each.

They sprint out of the building and across the back lot to their awaiting bus, engine running and door wide open. A handful of fans scream from the locked gate and it’s only then that they lift their perspiring heads, smiles shining and skin glowing as tired hands wave. Despite the fatigue of their bodies warning them to wind down and their yearnings to just take off the public façade, they overlook these personal cautions and desires because they know that the satisfaction they give those fans is worth holding out for a bit longer.

They clamber onto the bus and the second Liam’s foot reaches the second step, the door locks and they - both the bus and the post-show routine - are in motion.

The boys easily move about and around each other. As the normal, Harry gets first shower because he takes the shortest and is already in the bathroom by the time Liam gets to the top stair.

Body cooling in a hurry due to the blasting air conditioner, he sits close to Niall, who’s head falls on his shoulder and sighs drowsily. His fingers pet the snarled hair carefully as he watches Louis, laid out on the bench in front of him and eyes closed - the same bench where the two sat when _it_ all started, - and Zayn, who closes the fridge with a bottle of water before retreating to the back living area.

His way of unraveling is most extreme compared to the others by needing privacy - away from anyone’s eyes after too much vast attention with the combination of the sold-out audience and behind-the-scene presence; after being instructed at and crowded around all day that activated such quick-tempered and touchy nerves, which each boy has been on the receiving end of; to reset his mindset from performer to person.

They have an understanding of each other’s rituals and it formulated the flawless routine.

Harry exits, water dripping onto the floor from his hair and bare upper body, and immediately crawls into his bunk, where he’ll read old Greek poems for a half hour before coming out for a snack.

Liam kisses the side of Niall’s head and whispers, “Your turn, love.”

Niall whines quietly, Liam chuckling and Louis slowly sitting up, and hides his face in Liam’s arm.

“It’ll be quick, come on-”

“Go with him.”

Liam snaps his head toward Louis while Niall slowly looks over, lazy smile on his face and eyes twinkling. He looks deep in Louis’ eyes and around his expressionless face. “What?” he dumbly asks, fingers frozen in Niall’s hair.

Louis raises an eyebrow just so slightly, head tilted to the side. “Go. with. him.”

His breath catches in his throat and he’s so focused on Louis that it’s sudden to him that Niall had wrapped an arm around his waist at some point. Niall’s wide eyes blink expectantly at him, the suggestion transferring as a done deal in his head, and that fucking _smile_ that he does…

When enough time passes for Niall without any progress, he says to Liam as he licks his lips at Louis, “He can come with, too.”

Liam’s heart has never pounded as hard as it does in this very exact frame in time. They’re discussing this - him showering with Niall and potentially Louis - as opposed to it happening on its own, out of the blue, right before his eyes. There are words, eye exchanges, thinking, waiting, pauses.

It feels like a test. Everything that had happened previously was in preparation for this moment in the tour bus’ kitchenette with Niall next to him and Louis in front of him. Everything previous is being brought up and Liam has to have the answer because he had paid attention and remembered it all so clearly. But then, why is he taking so long? With Niall’s gorgeous face right there and Louis’ lean body patient, what was he waiting for?

This was it. Do or die, pass or fail, kill or be killed, make it or break it…

Niall knocks his nose to Liam’s jaw.

“Okay,” he murmurs.

His only hope to God is that he doesn’t close his eyes for too long because he doesn’t know now if he could handle any of this vanishing in an instant.

Louis takes Liam’s hand as Niall bolts to the bathroom to start the shower, kissing his fingertips and gazing into his eyes. Liam starts to tremble and Louis whispers, “It’ll all be okay, babe. I promise.”

“I know.”


	3. Chapter 3

Louis leads the way to the bathroom and Harry grabs Liam's hand from his bunk when they pass by, head sticking out with lips curved up. "I promise, too," he declares, kissing the back and releasing, and watches them go out of sight on the other side of the bathroom door.

He inhales quickly and sprints in the back lounge to Zayn. Their five lives were about to change within the hour and Zayn needed to know.

Niall is sitting on the toilet seat cover when Louis and Liam come in, shower ready and steam already fogging the mirror. He grows excited - not a drop nervous because he's fucking wanted this - as Louis leaves the door open a crack and Liam stands awkwardly.

Louis places his hands on Liam's shoulders, quietly demanding, "Relax, love."

And as if he had an exam of multiple choice questions, his mind replays "I don't need to tell you how he likes it, do I" as Louis roughed Harry up. Dominant. Masculine.

Niall stands in front of Liam and grabs the bottom of his drying shirt, touches gentle as he kisses just as slow but grins hard. Liam loses himself in the kiss so easily - tongues gliding deliberately, lips pressing and pulling apart softly, closed eyes swirling, heads spinning dizzily, necks tilting back and forth - that he doesn’t realize Louis has been undressing him until Niall pulls back to remove his shirt.

He also realizes that he closed his eyes and when he opened them, Louis is still behind him and Niall in front of him. For once, it’s all still happening after seeing the darkness behind his eyelids and it gives him confidence that _this_ \- here in the bathroom with Niall and Louis, later on when they’re done, tomorrow morning when he and the band wake up, next week, next month, forever - was all meant to be so.

Eyelids half-open and bare skin warm in the steamy bathroom with a mind just as foggy, Liam dazedly glances back at Louis and mumbles, “How…How did you…?”

“It’s a blessing,” Niall chuckles lowly, fingers going through Liam’s moist hair as Louis’ trace up and down his stomach, and kisses him again.

Niall and Louis undress themselves quickly and effortlessly, familiar with the body positions and accustom to the curves of close standing bodies. Once again, the removal of garments is mostly unrecognized by Liam, too caught up in the kiss to notice when Niall has to break away to get rid of his shirt and too responsive to the slow touches to notice when Louis has to let him go to peel off his clothes.

Once they’re nude, Louis takes control and slides his hands around Liam’s hips. He  presses against Liam’s back, chin resting on his shoulder and eyes locked with Niall’s, and whispers, “You won’t ever forget this, love.”

“With the marks he’s gonna leave ya, you have no choice,” Niall says with humor and a smirk, but Liam sees in his restless, ardent eyes that he probably means it.

Louis growls, Liam shivering because it’s right in his ear, and holds his hips tighter. Niall meets Louis’ dark stare and licks his lips. “Don’t get me started yet. We haven’t even made it in the shower.”

All Liam hears is _yet_ while Niall hears urgency.

Niall’s chest hits Liam’s as he leans and kisses Louis, rough with teeth but fast with lingering. “Let’s get you there, then, you fucking beast,” he whispers dirty and quiet, stepping away from them and into the still-running shower.

Louis breaths out in a huff and kisses Liam’s shoulder. He debates on whether to ask if he’s ready and decides not to because he doesn’t _need_ to. He knows Liam’s ready and willing. This very moment and the ones about to follow wouldn’t be lined up waiting if he wasn’t.

All the moments from before - the morning tea, the drive, the hotel overnight, the repairing sleepover, the interview - they had been lined up at a time when Liam wasn’t ready but was willing. Those moments prepared and included yet indirectly involved him, all planned and not by coincidence.

> _“There was always going to be a dense one,” Harry explains sleepily into Zayn’s neck, Niall and Louis in progress of falling asleep behind him, “because two were always going to figure it out, the third would be relieved that they weren’t the only one to feel it and embrace the two, the fourth would understand and accept that it was always there, and the fifth…”_
> 
> _Zayn presses his nose to Harry’s cheek and rubs the back of his head soothingly - Harry had the most trouble with sleep - finishing the sentence, “Had to be Liam, captain of the oblivious ship and conductor of the modest train.”_
> 
> _Harry giggles softly and a hand brushes across his lower back._
> 
> _“We need him,” Niall states suddenly._
> 
> _Louis’ husky voice adds, “Had I been the last one, shit, I’d jump off my lonely oblivious ship’s plank and abandon it without looking back.”_
> 
> _Zayn wraps his arm around Harry’s waist more and laces his fingers with the hand - Niall’s, he can tell. Kissing Harry gently, he whispers in response to Louis, “Your trust and desire are the reasons you could never have been last.”_
> 
> _Louis and Zayn were the first two, having discussed what they felt one night in the X-Factor house and thankful they weren’t losing their minds._
> 
> _Niall was third because he knew that his heart shouldn’t have pounded as much as it did when any of them looked at him a certain way and his yearning for their attention and acceptance was passed normal._
> 
> _Harry was fourth because he tried fighting the inevitable attraction and rationalizing the situation to morph it into something that it wasn’t but that he could use as an excuse. He was surprised that he came to his senses before Liam but as time passed and Liam showed no improvement, he accepted that he was meant to help Liam as opposed to vice versa._
> 
> _Niall squeezes Zayn’s hand, Louis snuggling against his chest, and whispers, repeats, “We need him.”_

Louis’ hand is light on Liam’s lower back, turning and guiding him to the shower where Niall’s hand is out and ready to help him. Liam takes it, smiling wide and blushing at how careful, patient, and attentive they’re both being with him, and steps in with Louis right after him.

Niall rests his back against the shower wall and keeps hold of Liam’s hand so he can pull him to his chest, letting go once he has and instead placing it on Liam’s cheek. The water has already made Niall’s blond hair darker and soaked and Liam feels the tips of his hair flattening and sticking to his forehead.

Niall gazes into Liam’s eyes and his thumb moves across Liam’s slippery cheek. “You have no idea how long we’ve waited, Liam.”

Louis puts his hands on Liam’s hips and presses his mouth to the back of his neck, open-mouthed half-kisses and skimming lips exploring. He feels a shudder travel all the way up from the bottom of Liam’s spine to between his shoulder blades and hears the soft whimper that Liam more than likely failed at trying to hold back.

“I don’t think you fully comprehend how badly we’ve wanted you. I don’t think you understand just how much we love you.” Niall rubs his nose over Liam’s birthmark, needs to look away or else he’ll fucking cry, and swallows hard. “We love you. I love you. Louis loves you. Zayn loves you. Harry loves you. We all do.”

“We love you,” Louis reiterates with promise, as though a second voice saying the words and telling them to Liam makes it genuine and solidifies the sincerity.

Liam’s knees go weak, body exploding with such heat that the hot water doesn’t help with at all, and fingers attach to Niall’s upper arms. The last action is an advancement for the other two that goes passed Liam; aside from taking Niall’s offered hand, it was the first time Liam touched on his own.

Niall and Louis’ eyes meet with a green light signal in their eyes and that, Liam notices.

Before Liam can say anything, ask questions or declare his own love, Niall is kissing him fast and gripping the top of Louis’ hands that are on his hips while Louis is properly kissing his soft, moistened neck and biting small bits of skin. The emotion of flattery slowly changes into blinding passion, and if Liam thought he had let himself go before, he was entirely wrong compared to now.

He feels a different sense of freedom and comfort that he didn’t have before and allows himself to get taken over, fingers tangling in Niall’s hair and tugging so they can kiss harder. His hips move under the hands and however they want, pushing forward against Niall’s cock or back to Louis’ stomach, without a single muscle twitching to resist.

He holds Niall’s hair tighter and leans onto Louis’ chest, breathing hard from how intense it all suddenly is and from the thick steam molding around them.

Louis slides one hand across Liam’s water-dropped stomach and over his hardening cock, spreading his fingers so the tips touch both thighs and the entrance of his ass. Liam whimpering and arching his back, Louis kisses behind his ear and says, “Gonna fuck you so good. _So_ good, love.”

“Wanchuta,” Liam murmurs as he presses his face to Niall’s shoulder, anxious body tingling and knees shaking more, and weakened hands falling to Niall’s elbows.

Niall runs one hand up Liam’s back and flips it over for the palm to run down Louis’ chest with trails of shower water and sweat. He creases his eyebrows at Louis, who raises his just slightly, and asks, “Didn’t hear you, baby.”

“I wan’ ya to,” Liam states slightly louder and pronounced and lifts his head, mind buzzing and red cheeks transmitting just how heated his eyes were glowing.

Niall’s never seen him so beautiful and turns his chin to the side so Louis can see it. Liam goes with Niall’s fingers and looks at Louis, lips parted and chest panting. Louis will agree entirely with Niall later on but for now, he licks through those ready lips and feels Niall’s hand brush over his where they’re in between Liam’s legs. He moves his hands and wraps one arm around Liam’s waist to brace the taller body for what was about to happen.

Liam gasps in shock for a split second before he’s moaning loud and long, mouth wide against Louis’ and upper body (expectedly) falling back to his chest. Niall has _that fucking smile_ \- Liam will decipher it someday - and bends his finger inside Liam before twisting a second next to it.

Liam moans again and his hands - he has no idea where they were or where they came from but thank _God_ they showed up - slap to the wall on either side of Niall’s head, elbows digging in the front of the blonde’s shoulders and forearms attempting to steady themselves. Kissing him slower, Louis holds his waist tighter and it’s really the only thing preventing Liam from collapsing to his feet as he moans and gasps to Niall’s fingering.

“If you love this,” Niall kisses the inside of Liam’s quivering arm and pushes his fingers higher, “Louis will make you fucking crazy. Whenever I finger Harry, he loses his fucking mind when Louis fucks him, open and wet for him.”

With his eyes shut tight, Liam cries out - this little “ah” - and his hips lower around the fingers, wanting more to feel and fill. His cock is leaking but it makes no difference to him. Shit, he could come ten times in a row right now and he’d still want Louis inside of him and do it again.

Niall removes his fingers and turns Liam around so he’s facing Louis, his braced arms falling from the wall and submissive body heavy on Niall, who rests his chin on Liam’s shoulder and holds his waist firmly with his arms. Louis rubs his moist, hard cock and watches them both with clouded eyes. Niall looks back at him as he mouths at Liam’s soft, wet skin and Liam is panting frantically in a way that’s making his vision unclear.

Louis is about to say something about it when Niall does first in a gentle whisper.

“Deep breaths, baby. Calm down.” Liam listens, takes longer inhales and evens out the exhales, as Niall traces over his chest. “Can’t have you hyperventilating already, no?”

“No,” Liam whispers back and licks his lips, sight on Louis, “but I’m ready to.”

“Fuck,” Louis mumbles and Niall chuckles.

Louis holds the base of his cock until he’s halfway inside Liam, staring at the younger man’s face to make sure it wasn’t too much too quick. Hell, he remembers the first time Zayn said he was ready and how he cried in such pain after Niall fully got inside of him. Liam is handling it better, he thinks, as his hands scramble to grasp Louis’ shoulders and neck tilts back for Niall to suck light bruises on easier.

Louis thrusts slowly yet deep at first and Liam moans and breathes with each move, droplets dripping from the ends of their hair and down their necks. Louis transitions into a sort of daze as he rocks and breathes hard, eyes having a shiny glaze instead of patchy cloud and skin relaxed in bliss because there is nothing else in this entire world that he’d rather be doing than this right now.

Liam starts to ache, desperate for more, and Louis senses it the very second Liam feels it, reacting instantly and pushing harder. Liam moans before hissing, Niall’s teeth pulling at the side of his neck and fingers around his cock.

Louis bumps his nose to Niall’s in a silent order that they share. Niall presses his forehead to Louis’ and kisses him roughly, both their cheeks pressing against Liam’s face as their lips and tongue relentlessly combine. Louis keeps his thrusts consistent, so Liam is a moaning mess in their ears as he digs his nails into Louis’ lower back, and Niall squeezes Liam’s cock in time to the kiss.

“I…I…” Liam gasps, Niall turning his chin to kiss him hard and Louis attaching his teeth to his chest, making him moan again. “Fu-Fuck.”

Liam comes, spilling around Niall’s palm and dripping around his fingers, and goes limp between the two. Louis pounds faster, the skin slapping quietly due to the running shower, and builds up a cry of ecstasy before releasing, sperm shooting up inside Liam and dripping down his legs.

“I know you’re tired, love,” Louis whispers and kisses Liam’s chin, “but Niall needs your mouth.”

And just like that, Liam’s knees are on the porcelain and he’s sucking on the long cock, fingers scratching at Niall’s thighs and stomach because he wants to touch everywhere.

Niall holds onto Liam’s knotted hair as Louis kisses him softly.

“Work up to desperation,” Liam thinks and listens to the pace of the kiss rather than the hand on his head.

His whole body is throbbing and sore but he doesn’t take the warning into consideration whatsoever. The noises that Niall makes when his tongue glides up the side of his cock and when the cock’s tip reaches deeper down his throat…he’ll suffer a freak accident with lots of glass just to be able to hear Niall gasp and go weak in front of him.

He’d suffer any horrific accident just to be able to do all of this again.

Niall is close and he puts a hand on Louis’ cheek, pushing him away so they can look at each other. He _smiles_ and Louis licks his lips, glances down at Liam for a second, and nods at him. “We did it,” Louis breathes out, unblinking as Niall starts to come apart under Liam’s mouth. “We finally fucking did it.”

***

That night, they all retreat to their own bunks alone. Liam kind of wants to cry and Harry _does_ cry but Louis assures him, with a kiss to the cheek, it’s what they have to do.

Harry cries himself to sleep above Liam’s bunk. The other four lie in silence for hours until rays of sun sneak through their curtains - Niall on the brink of sleep but not quite tipping, Zayn submitted to his mind of endless and countless thoughts, Louis unmoving on his back with no progress or thoughts, and Liam… _exhausted_ and finding console in the dark rays because he can’t do this anymore.

He rolls out and goes in the kitchen, starting on a pot of tea. His movement ignites rustling of blankets, sheets, pillows, sweaters, shorts, and curtains and before he has the teapot half full, his four sleep-deprived bandmates stand before him.

Woken up by the presence of Liam disappearing, Harry has his arms crossed over his bare stomach and exposed cock hung over his long, pale leg, shoulders under Niall’s arm and hair sticking up everywhere.

In a thin white tank and long basketball shorts that Liam knows for fact belong to Zayn, Niall rubs the goosebumps from Harry’s upper arm and hiccups occasionally but loudly in his usual morning manner.

Holding Niall’s other wrist loosely, Zayn sways slightly in sweatpants and a thick sweater, knocking into the blonde’s side gently when he curves too far and sometimes humming in apology if he feels the collision was too hard.

Next to them but a step forward, Louis’ face is colorless compared to his usual tan, eyes dull and surrounded by dark circles compared to his usual glimmer and brightness, lips downcast compared to his usual contagious smile, and body tense compared to his usual laid-back demeanor. He seems particularly thin now, wearing only black briefs and white ankle-cut socks, and though Liam’s brain knows that he’s healthy, his heart is screaming concern.

The faucet is off - Liam isn’t sure when he did that but the pot _is_ full - and they stand in silence, four pairs of tired eyes versus one pair of vulnerable. Liam wants to hug each of them, tell them to get some sleep for fuck’s sake, and send them off with a kiss.

Then, it _clicks_ and before Liam can do anything else, his eyes land on Niall and his _smile_. It clicks again and Niall chuckles softly, Louis’ shoulders lowering at the sound behind him because that means that they’ve finally gotten through.

Liam goes up to Harry first and pats down his hair. “Go back to sleep, love.” He kisses the full, dark red lips gently and Harry squeezes his hip, grinning lazily as he walks passed the bunks and into the back lounge.

Niall is smirking and Liam shakes his head, running a finger down his cool cheek. “Don’t get me started, it’s too early. Get to bed.” Niall nods once, Liam giving him a long kiss that promises more later, and goes after Harry, lifting the sleeping young man’s legs and slouching on the couch.

Liam grabs Zayn’s elbows, stops his swaying, and kisses him a bit more deeply than he planned, the tips of their tongues flicking and lips smacking afterward. “Get some sleep first, babe.” He squeezes Zayn’s shivering arms and sends him on his way to curl around Niall’s body and Harry’s legs effortlessly.

Before Liam has a chance, Louis moves in front of him and wraps his arms around his neck, kissing him slowly. Liam eases into it, thumbs brushing over his hips and eyes shutting, and lets his mind get overcome by Louis. The kiss feels like he’s crossing a finish line and he was going to soak up that triumphal sense of conquer.

Louis twirls the back of Liam’s hair and pulls back so their eyes connect, toes curling against the cold tile floor.

He has a million things he wants to say, ranging from “you’re a slowpoke, you wanker” to “we’ve always loved you,” and staring into Liam’s twinkling, waiting eyes, he decides that the words can all wait a little bit longer.

Louis grabs one of Liam’s hands and brings it up to kiss the back, making the younger man blush. “Come on, love.”

Liam takes the first step to follow Louis and he feels it - feels that he will be loved unconditionally by these four beauties forever and, most importantly, will never be alone ever again.


End file.
